And, here we go. You may need a refresher, so here is our cast of characters. Lucy and Sam are our two principals. Kenny and Christine are their more laid back, comedic foils and best friends. Christine is dating Peter, who has a son that Sam and Kenny saved from an allergic reaction when Peter dumped Junior off at their bowling alley. That's when Sam and Kenny learned Peter is married, a fact hidden from Lucy and Christine. Lucy works at the Olive Garden, where Sam used to work until their boss Annette fired him for his bungling. Fiona also works at the Olive Garden; she is currently dating Mortimer, Sam's mechanic. Peter is trying to help Sam and Kenny make a deal to expand Kenny's bowling alley into a franchise with the investor Mr. Dawes. Susan is a reporter for Frontiers, who accidentally came to the misconception that Sam and Kenny are gay, due to Peter's initial misunderstanding. Jon is Lucy's jerk of a boss who she has been butting heads with for most of the story. So, that should cover everything going into a charity ball to raise money for breast cancer research; Jon has been picked to be a local speaker since his wife was a local TV personality on a kid's show who was a victim of breast cancer. That's the quick overview; for more details, there's the Table of Contents here.
Need a specific refresher of who Rigatoni was and how Kenny and Lucy met? Click here.
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I was humming a little tune as the guests started to arrive en masse. I learned that guests do not arrive in mast from my mom. You also do not strap people in at mass; you lash them to the mast. Honestly, my mom has a really thorough knowledge of nautical terminology. I want to believe she was a pirate queen in a previous life. Actually, when I was a little girl, I wanted to believe she was one in the current life, and that we were only living on land to hide her from her evil pirate shipmates from her past life. Then I read about real Somali pirates and decided they weren’t as awesome as my romantic visions of them.
I was still nursing my Cherry Coke when I saw Fiona and her pony-tail wearing boyfriend come in. He had at least had the decency of shaving and not looking like a bum. I’m not judging him, but he’s a slob. Honestly, men should not have sleeker pony tails than me. I put a lot of effort into my hair, and I really don’t like being shown up quite so easily. Except by Adrian Paul. It is perfectly OK that his pony tail is better than mine.
“Lucy, you remember Mortimer, don’t you?”
“He made quite an impression in my car,” I said. Was that bitchy? I don’t think so; maybe Christine was rubbing off on me in a bad way.
“Let bygones be bygones,” Mortimer said. He took Fiona’s drink order and went to get it. She was wearing something classy and blue.
“Sam’s going to be here,” I offered to change the subject. “I think he’d really appreciate it if you were extra nice to him.”
“I saw Sam earlier today, actually. He seemed to think I was your boyfriend.”
“Sam gets crazy ideas into his head at times.”
“Speaking of that,” Fiona said. “Is Rusty here tonight?”
I was about to say no, then I remembered they thought Jon was Rusty. “He’s here. I think he was over by the bar. We’re kind of fighting right now, so I’m giving him the cold shoulder.”
I was weighing how bad I should feel about that lie. I got pulled into a few minutes of small talk about work, and then I excused myself from the main ballroom to head to the front to try and catch Sam as he came in. Jon was still drinking at the bar, and Peter and Mr. Dawes had pulled up some stools as well. I was out in the lobby when Kenny and Christine came in. Christine was wearing a knee-length pink dress, though it wasn’t sparkly like mine.
Kenny was wearing a conservative navy blue tie, which clashed with his deep, champagne pink, suit. Christine waved, and we formed one of those impromptu speaking circles.
“Tell him his tie doesn’t match.”
“Well, my other choices were my Christmas tie and my Kate tie.”
“Is that a designer line of ties?” I asked.
“No. She was in an October issue of Playboy. I sort of figured that this was the safest tie to wear,” He said.
“I thought I saw you in a red tie before,” I asked him.
“Oh, I borrowed that from Sam. You’re the girl with the Rigatoni, aren’t you? Lucy, right?”
“Oh! Right. You’re the Frenchman!”
“The rigatoni? Did you mess up his order or something Lucy?”
“No, Rigatoni was a puppy.”
“Oh, right. You’re the weird girl,” Christine said. “It’s ok Kenny, you can tell her she’s weird. It helps keep her hubris in check.”
“I don’t have any hubris! I’m hubris-less. I am centered and perfectly normal.”
“Normal people don’t plan revenge with puppets,” Christine said.
“For clarification’s purposes,” Kenny broke in. “Do you mean that you will achieve your revenge using puppets, or do you mean you discussed the plan with puppets?”
“The first one,” I said quickly.
“But also, the second,” Christine added.
“The blue one had some very good insights on the matter!”
“Christine’s right. You are a weird girl,” Kenny said.