Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Dear Sullivan, 3

"I'm Sullivan!"
Matt is working on finding things out about a part of mints. Probably the tasty parts, I guess. That's science, that is. I think he likes science because it lets him poke at things he shouldn't poke at. That and sometimes you get to blow things up. I hope he doesn't blow up any of the mints; I like to lick them when he's not looking. Then I laugh when he eats them, and he doesn't know why. Eat stuffed cat germs you stupid human.

So, I have decided to take over his blog once again to save you all from content-less Tuesdays. Apparently, he slacked off yesterday. He was busy with spearing mints or something, so he couldn't write "real fiction," he said. Then I think he went to bed early to be responsible. He's become very boring, and I'm a stuffed cat. I literally don't do anything.


I am a graduate student trying to make ends meet. I've done everything I can to save, but there's always more expenses and unexpected costs around every corner. What can I do to ensure that I can retire?

What is it with everyone and retiring? You're going to live 15, 18 years tops. Every ounce saved for "retiring" is just another scrap for the Grim Reaper. But, if you have  dreams of grandeur, I find the best way to make ends meet is to pin one end down with your left paw, then grab the other end with your teeth and twist them together. How this will help you in retirement, I don't know, but there you have it. Also: Stop going around corners if you keep having to pay for it. Just go straight.


I'm new to a city, how can I meet new people?

... That's it? Really? You're giving me that to work with. Look: How many people do you really need to know? You've got your human and his or her immediate other humans, right? Maybe an annoying feral that comes by every afternoon, or one of those "out door" cats that really just means the human can't be bothered to remember to close the door quickly behind them? What more do you need? You are a cat, not a social butterfly. If you really need to meet new people, take it up with your human and have it bring them home to meet you. But don't go slobbering all over them like some love sick puppy.

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