Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Some Zombie Semantics

I felt like the posts were getting a bit too heavy. We've been looking at generals, talking about military history, and then going on about big, heavy books you and I should read. Friends, let's all take a moment to sit back and be silly. So, a blast from my past, originally posted May 29, 2007, when MySpace was still a thing.

"Alright men," the commander shouts, "Let's put an end to this zombie holocaust!"

"Uhm, sir -- a moment. To speak freely."

"What is it, Rollins?"

"Why do we want to end the zombie holocaust?"

"Because they eat us."

"See, I thought that was the case. But, see, I thought we were, in fact, attempting to destroy all zombies."

"We are."

"Then, isn't it more accurate, to say 'let us begin this zombie holocaust?'"

"Rollins has a point sir. We don't call it the German Holocaust."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, if I may, it is the Jewish Holocaust. Implying that the noun preceding the holocaust are the ones being killed. To call it a zombie holocaust implies that it is the zombies who are being killed -- which, in fact, is our goal. So, we do not want to stop the zombie holocaust."

"We can't very well shout that we are going to go and perform a holocaust, now can we? That wouldn't be PC."

"They are zombies sir, I don't think it is politically incorrect to destroy -- especially by fire -- zombies sir."

"But the word has such a negative connotation. We're the good guys -- the zombies are the bad guys. Ipso facto, they do the bad things."

"I understand that sir, but when we really think about it, in World War II we stopped the Jewish Holocaust. It just seems that for holocaust to keep its proper meaning, we have to stop the people holocaust -- by killing all the zombies."

"I am not going to lead us into battle shouting 'now begins the zombie holocaust!'"

"Well, I just have a preference for accurate usage of words, that's all. Maybe if you invert the words, that will make your meaning more clear?"

"Fine, fine, fine. Let's start this over. Let us put an end to this holocaust perpetuated by zombies. There, are you happy Rollins?"

"Very much so. Thank you sir."

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